These Pants Won't Break

These pants won't break,
they're strong and solid.
Their buttons are brass,
their hue is an olive.

These pants won't break,
they're thoroughly stitched.
Don't need no suspenders,
I like how they're hitched.

These pants won't break,
they could go through a mower.
Roberta sure likes them,
and I hardly know her.

These pants won't break,
they never need fixin'.
Like cash in a safe,
they're what my dick's in.

These pants won't break,
yours are crawling with maggots.
Your pants taste like shit,
mine are rated by Zagat's.

These pants won't break,
not in nuclear war.
I can't be shot by a junkie,
or stabbed by a whore.

These pants won't break,
in 30,000 foot falls.
They cover my ass,
and safe-guard my balls.

So where ever, O ever, these pants will abide,
you'll know you can find me,
all snuggly inside.

-BR 6/12/07